Growing older in a youth-obsessed culture can trigger all sorts of fears and feelings of powerlessness. I enrolled in a graduate program in gerontology to learn more about the aging process both for myself and those I support. I was disappointed to find that much of the research on aging relates to decline and loss of function. Understanding the risks for these things is one thing; it’s entirely another thing to suggest it is inevitable. I came away from the program more determined than ever to place my focus on how to stay well and to learn from older people just what it takes to increase the odds for avoiding decline and loss of function.
I’m pretty convinced that our thinking, our attitudes, our actions and the thinking, attitudes and actions of those around us greatly influence our chances of maintaining lifelong wellness. Our thinking may manifest in thoughts that support or negate the chances for lifelong wellness, “I support my body with nourishing foods” or “It’s too late for me - my body’s a train wreck”. Which is closer to your thinking? Which might increase your chances of staying well through your older years?
Your attitude about growing older might be an awareness that you need to take better care of yourself if you want to stay healthy. Or it may be more focused on loss of your ability to do things you once did easily. Andrew Weil, M.D., an integrative practitioner, advises modification in activities that better fit your age so you can keep doing what you love but in a way that limits risk of injury. Switching from tennis to pickle ball is a classic example of modification. Taking an action that allows for continued activity avoids a sense of loss and improves your attitude.
Who do you hang out with?
This was another awareness that struck me in the gerontology program, As students we were asked to name some ways older people are treated that might be patronizing or demeaning. While it may be well-intentioned, calling an older person honey or adorable, or talking to them like they are children, is disrespectful unless it is how you talk to everyone, regardless of their age.
Also, associating with people who think being older means you are sickly, incompetent or helpless won’t make you feel very optimistic about growing older.
4 Questions to ask yourself
Byron Katie is a speaker and author. She is age 78 and back in her 40’s she was quite depressed and troubled. After months of suffering she realized her thoughts were the central source of her suffering. From this insight, she developed a process of self-inquiry which she calls “The Work.” It involves asking four simple questions about each belief that causes pain:
Is it true?
Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
How do you react when you believe that thought?
Who would you be without the thought?
Can you look at one thought that can cause you suffering about growing older?
We all have days when we wish we were younger. When you are feeling down or anxious about it, stop and look at your thoughts. It might be “ I’ve become irrelevant.” Then ask the 4 questions to see if the outcome shifts to something more hopeful.